Most of us know the feeling: a task looms in your mind; respond to that email, start the project, make the appointment, and somehow hours or days go by without touching it. Procrastination is often less about time management and more about emotional avoidance.
Let’s break down what might really be going on.
It’s Not Just a Time Problem
When clients ask, “Why do I keep putting things off when I know what I need to do?”, especially when the task seems straightforward, they’re often feeling frustrated and confused. But procrastination is rarely about willpower. It’s usually a protective strategy against uncomfortable internal experiences like:
Fear of failure (“What if I mess it up?”)
Perfectionism (“If I can’t do it right, I shouldn’t start”)
Overwhelm (“It’s too much, I don’t even know where to begin”)
Shame (“I should have done this already”)
Hopeless thoughts ("This won't work out anyway, why bother?")
In other words, you’re not avoiding the task. You’re avoiding how the task makes you feel.
What Helps: Behavioral Skills for Getting Unstuck
Fortunately, you don’t need to wait until you feel motivated to begin a task, you can start by acting differently and letting your emotions catch up. Here are a few behavioral strategies I often introduce in therapy:
1. The 5-Minute Rule
Tell yourself: “I only have to do this for 5 minutes.” Why it works: It bypasses the pressure of finishing and focuses on starting, which is the hardest part. Momentum and motivation often builds naturally from there.
2. Break It Down
If a task feels overwhelming, try slicing it into smaller, concrete steps. Example: Instead of “organize my finances,” start with “open my banking app” or “make a list of bills.” Tiny, visible progress reduces avoidance.
3. Use External Accountability
Timers, to-do lists, body-doubling (working alongside someone else), or just telling someone what you plan to do can help anchor you to action and reduce internal noise.
4. Try Opposite Action
From DBT, this skill asks: What would I do if I didn’t feel overwhelmed right now? Then try doing that action, even if the urge is to avoid. Emotions often shift once you begin.
Be Gentle with Yourself
Procrastination isn’t a character flaw. It’s often a sign of stress, fear, or exhaustion. The more we beat ourselves up for struggling, the harder it is to move forward. Try being curious about the urge to procrastinate rather than criticizing yourself.
Ask: "What am I avoiding?" Then: "What’s one small thing I can do anyway?"
You might be surprised by how much lighter it feels once you get started.